Many of us are not as good friends with ourselves as we could be. We may be overly self-critical, putting a lot of pressure on ourselves, bitterly regretting things we have done, being ashamed, or otherwise speaking negatively to ourselves. Or maybe we just notice that as we meditate we get annoyed and frustrated when we are distracted or lose concentration.
Fortunately, meditation is an exercise in learning to become better friends with ourselves. And, as a result of that, we also become better friends with those around us.
Let everything be exactly as it will, exactly how long it will.
When we meditate, we should leave the negative thoughts and all other discomforts just as they are. Maybe we need to do something later about what creates the discomfort, but as we meditate, we should let these thoughts and feelings be exactly what they want, exactly how long they want.
This is a side of equanimity that is both factual and accepting of what goes on in consciousness, but it also has a touch of warmth towards the negative thoughts and feelings.
Jalāl ad-Dīn Rūmī (1207–1273), describes this attitude in poetry translated by Coleman Barks:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
You do the best you can, and that’s good enough.
At the moment we can expect nothing more from ourselves than that we are ourselves. Nevertheless, the pressure of expectation is often great to achieve something when we meditate. This becomes very clear when we listen inwardly and notice how the expectations constantly pull us away…
